Noted Nickerson Historian Dr. Knickerless Nickerson

Excerpted from an upcoming National Scientific Stuff Magazine article by noted Nickerson Family expert and incredibly smart guy, Dr. Knickerless Nickerson.

About Dr. Nickerson…

The noted expert and incredibly smart guy, was recognized early on as having some potential for science and other nerd-esque endevours. One indicator was being born already wearing glasses ( A well accepted hallmark of smart folk) This assumption was only reinforced by , in his most formative years, arranging all of his stuffed animals in a line by order of there genus and species. A notable feat considering his parents seemed to favour buying stuffed animals representative almost exclusively from either the insect class or rare deep ocean invertabrates. (On a side note, It was almost in his college years before Nickerson could bring himself to parting with his stuffed pogonophoran. A gift his mother gave in celebration of Vesuvius Day (August 24th) when he was 4.

Dr. Nickerson found it Difficult in his Elementary School years. Often teased by other children because of his superior intellect ( And the five large horns sticking out of his back …which were later removed in a ground breaking and arduous surgery that took over 17 seconds. (the funny part of this would be the cartoon of Allan or somebody hitting you with a car) Young Knickerless would have his revenge later when he was hired by the National Scientific Stuff Magaizine as a researcher in junior High Shcool (He would have his revenge on some earlier than that when they started ”inexplicably” dissapearing as soon the Junior Kneemonster Scout troop he joined taught him how to tie knots and use a knife) From there forward (With some help from an excellent lawyer) things looked up for young Knickerless.

Knickerless Soon Distniguishes himself as a Savant …

In High School, Knickerless rapidly gained reputation as being a bit of a Rennaisance man and excelled in a variety of disciplines such as the sciences, the arts and being the only one jiggle the dodgy key to the Audio visual room just right. Nickerson had a short Spectacular foray in to Documentary filmmaking during his High school years with his one and only wildly controversial piece entitled “The mating habits of the abegayle bird” The Film had one showing in the Highschool gym which was ended prematurely when the Abegayle Bird (The Home Economics Teacher at the time.) found out about it. (Both Knickerson and Bird had seperate, lengthy discussions with, the Principal and the Superintendant that day……It was reported that Bird also had to explain herself to the local SPCA and later received correspondence from Larry Flint over the incident,as well.)

The College Years

After Graduating High School with stellar marks and the admiration of student and teacher alike (With the exception of Ms. Bird) The only logical next step was University. It was here that Nickerson was truly drawn in by the lure of the sceince of geneology and ended up doing his masters thesis on the origins of the Ancient family name, Manthorne. His compelling tale of a tribe of kneemonsterherds first appearing in the earliest scripts of Bablefishia Manthorne ( Bablefishia being the first recorded historian to waste a lot of time writing about the boring lives of a bunch of Kneemonster ranchers.) won Nickerson not only collegiate laurels but acclaim in the Scientific community at large.

It was soon after this that Knickerless was revisited by National Scientific Stuff, but this time instead of offering him a crummy job as a mere researcher, they offer a fantastic job as a …………… genealogical researcher! Nickerson enthusiastically accepted the position and followed up his sucessful thesis on the Manthorne’s with the widesweeping expository piece on the VonHazletonainarrgh  Family thus lifting  the veil on this clandestine goup who , Nickerson alleged, has a secret society whose orgins stem back to the “Royal League of the Nasty Dink”  who hid in alleyways and stuck their foot out to trip the populace all over medieval England as they passed by.  This expose was not without repercussions and a period of several years followed where Nickerson had to walk very close to the street whereever he went for fear of RLND vengence.

His ” Raison D’etre”

Today , Nickerson has thrown himself entirely against the Grindstone that is his own family History which ties in nicely to the kneemonster saga as well. This, no doubt, will be a great relief to those of you scratching your head, trying to figure out what we’re on about)

Dr. Knickerson starts us off with the shocking revelation that his research can trace the Nickerson family tree back to pre-history. He makes this claim armed with evidence provided by an archealogical dig performed by another noted scientist and contemporary of Nickerson’s (Who shall be named later)

The fossils in question were able to yield enough DNA to link the specimen and was subsquently dubbed “Ug” Nickerson. The circumstances of Ug’s demise were pretty clear and showed tell-tale signs of behaviours that would manifest themselves in members of the Nickerson family for generations to come.

Of course to a scholar, geneaologist, curious mind and incredibly smart guy like Knickerson this only made him hungry to fill in the rest of the blanks in his family’s  History.

As he busily works on such an enterprise, he continues to find notable figures along the way.

Such Notables include.

Nicotep Nicertep

Viseer of Egypt turned King of Egypt, this crafty individual rose to the height of power in Ancient Egypt through somewhat questionable circumstances.

Nicero

Rogue Emperor of Rome, Nicero came to blows with his most powerful general and paid the price

Gebghis Nickerson

Known as the Scourge of the Steps, this Vicious Warrior did Battle with one of the most powerful Emperors of Ancient China and was indirectly responsible to the The Really Great Wall of China.

SanJay Nickerson

A Distant Cousin to Nicertep, this Free Spirit brought the world such Marvels of the Ancient world as the Umahal and world’s first Elephant Drift Race.

PJ Nickerson

Viking Warrior and World Traveller, PJ is responsible for one of the earliest codes of Viking Conduct and was the first Caucasion Man to go to Africa (and start a fight)

Clickaus Nickerson ( AKA Ginger Beard)

and

Boomous (Arrrgh Jay) Nickerson

Blood thirsty Pirates of the Carribean, these two rapscallions were the mosquito buzzing about the ear of the Empire for almost 30 years.

These Luminaries in the Family are just the tip of the Iceberg. The Nickerson Family has a variety of Members across globe and spanning from our Origins to the modern day.

What do the Nickerson’s have against the Kneemonster anyway?

One can only speculate why this might be but Doctor Nickerson has theorised from fossil evidence that a prehistoric kneemonster may have getting all up in ” Ug” Nickerson’s bidness. (Figure Whatever)

It should be noted that during the course of the interview by National Scientific stuff that brought this theory to light , Dr. Nickerson kicked a passing North American Kneemonster for no apparent reason that the interviewer could see.

Where to Go from here…

Dr. Is currently putting the finishing touches on the 17 volume history of the Nickerson Family After which there will a whirlwhird book tour including talk shows and whatnot, but in the meantime, Dr. Nickerson spends his time Planning his next project, a cookbook revolving around waterfowl like the Asian Kneemonster, and the plover family.